Do(n’t) Buy: Swiffer Wet Jet

So, apparently I’m a clean freak.

Kind of.

Ok, yeah, there are dishes in the sink and I should probably pick up the clothes on my floor I tried on a veto-ed for that date-ish thing from a last week, but when I clean, I really clean. Maybe it was working in food service, “detail cleaning” working its way into my initials as my new middle name. Maybe I just really don’t like germs. Whatever the case, I found myself standing in the aisle at Target, trying to decide if I should purchase a Swiffer Wet Jet. How clean do my floors need to be? I asked. Do people even clean their floors?

It seemed too good to be true–just push the button, run the mop-like thing over the floor and voila! Clean floors! No more cat litter dust on the hardwood! No more tomato sauce stains on the kitchen floor! Salt by the entryway from winter boots? Voila! No more!

At $20 for the starter kit it didn’t seem like the worst investment I’ve ever made (that trophy goes to the pink Converse heels I bought in 9th grade). You’ve seen the commercials, bubbly Italian women talk about cleaning on their hands and knees, brush the Wet Jet over their floors, find dirt they didn’t get ON THEIR HANDS AND KNEES. Revolutionary! This product would make the cast of Les Mis weep for just how world changing it is. Think of all of the clean floors we’ll have!

I brought the Wet Jet home, my roommate gushing about a friend who fantasizing about Wet Jetting while out at the bar for happy hour. “That’s how great it is!” she says, “when I told her you were thinking about buying one, she just talked about how badly she wanted to go home and use hers.”

Man, talk about overselling.

I opened the dang thing, the tiny TINY starter kit bottle (which would only last three rooms) taking me forever to put in. I scrounged through our apartment looking for 4 AA batteries to feed the thing. I put on the Wet Jet pad, putting aside my initial hang ups. It was $20, how well did I expect it to be made?

I followed the rules, sweeping my entire apartment before using the mop. I started over by the litter box–big mistake. Rather than actually cleaning up the bits of litter dust, it just pushed them around in some cleaner. I changed the pad after one room, hoping that it might help.

Nope.

Maybe my floors are disinfected clean. I have no idea, because I am forever distracted by the streaks. So many streaks on my hardwood–it looks like a poorly cleaned preschool window. Did someone lick it clean? Because my floors look like a giant licked them clean.

I would not recommend the Swiffer Wet Jet. Just… sweep, like a normal person. I guess.

Do people even clean their floors more than once a year? Because I still have no idea. I do, and my (now broken) Wet Jet really only leaves a nice film of giant saliva on my hardwood. Does that count as clean? Somebody ask the bubbly Italian ladies.

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